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Lyndsey talks about her struggle to accept her psoriasis and the profound impact the condition has had on her self-esteem and confidence.
Psoriasis appeared in my life when I was 19 and I’ve battled with it ever since… At the age of 36 I‘ve still not been able to accept it. The endless appointments visiting doctors, dermatologists and clinics hoping someone can help me look and feel less of a freak!
No matter how hard I try to ‘accept the skin I’m in’, living with psoriasis is unsightly, flaky, scaly, sore, dry and itchy skin. Looking in the mirror I stare long and hard and wonder why this has happened to me.
My nails, which were once long, and my pride to paint in wondrous colours, are now flaky, short yellow coloured, indented remains. Day to day tasks such as handing over money in a shop I feel so self-conscious. My toe nails, crumbly and yellowed, push from the nail bed causing so much discomfort and pain. Psoriasis is so much more than a bit of dry skin…
I long for the patches to disappear for me to look in the mirror and see me again instead of the hideous patches. Psoriasis has taken away the beauty of my skin and my self-confidence.
Every day is a battle having to hide myself away from the world, as I feel judged and ashamed of how psoriasis makes me look. I plan outfits in advance, ensuring my psoriasis is covered.
I love and loathe the warmer months in equal measure. I love the sun shining and the sensation of the sun beating down on my psoriasis patches, I find the sun helps my skin immensely, but with that I have the loathing and dread of uncovering my skin for the world to see. Wearing clothing that exposes my psoriasis makes me feel horrendous.
People often comment when I wear short sleeves and display the large patches of psoriasis that cover the majority of my arms. Comments range from innocent questions from children asking if I have fell over and scraped my arms, to adults enquiring if I am contagious and suggesting I should try a moisturiser.
In 2017 after yet another disappointing trip to the dermatologist, I decided to take part in a Clinical Research medical trial for a psoriasis treatment. It felt empowering to know I was involved in something that might help psoriasis sufferers. It was my fight back against psoriasis!
I’ve tried every cream, lotion and potion available, I’ve had numerous rounds of light therapy and now I’m on a systemic medication and hoping this helps… Psoriasis is so much more than just a skin condition.