Partner with psoriasis - Don't know what else to do.

Posted Mon 26 Jun 2017 11.59am by ali2192

Hi

My partner has suffered with psoriasis for almost ten years now, since he was around 17. He goes through ups and down as I'm sure most people do, however he seems to be in a really low place with it at the moment and it is seriously affecting his happiness and mental health. He keeps saying that he hates himself which tears me apart. He is such a wonderful person and its not fair that he feels this way about himself.

He is currently on new tablets that the doctor has prescribed about a week or so ago, one of many that he has tried over the years. After doing some research I have learnt that there is a link between psoriasis and anxiety which I have tried to address with my partner but whenever the topic is mentioned he refuses to open up to me.

I am so worried and absolutely hate that I am unable to help, my partner knows that I am here for him no matter what and how much I love the bones of him, but it doesn't make a difference about how he feels. Is there any advice or support that you could give us please? I can't bare to see him so unhappy and not himself at all.

I really hope you can help in some way, many thanks.

Posted Mon 26 Jun 2017 12.34pm by thin-skinned
Irascible septuagenarian fed up with the psoriasis constantly at me :wink:

Unfortunately there is not much you can do to help him other than being there by his side.

I fully understand how he feels because it is very hard to love yourself when the horrid P is there at you 24/7 year after year and of course the more the P intrudes the more anxious the sufferer becomes.

I did find it became easier after retirement and the stress levels fell, but I still suffer at lower levels. Also I was sent along to relaxation classes just before retirement and those really helped because I now understand how to unwind and release the stress.

Perhaps his GP could refer him to a physiotherapist who teaches relaxation techniques.

Posted Mon 26 Jun 2017 3.42pm by ali2192

Thanks for your advice, I'll look into relaxation classes as that sounds really good, he also has high blood pressure so hopefully it will help with that too. I'm glad to hear that you're happier now.

Posted Mon 26 Jun 2017 3.51pm by thin-skinned
Irascible septuagenarian fed up with the psoriasis constantly at me :wink:

Ah, that elevated BP will also need controlling, so a visit to his GP is essential. High BP when under stress can lead to mini strokes or TIAs

Posted Mon 26 Jun 2017 3.55pm by ali2192

Yeah he goes to his GP every two weeks as they have insisted on keeping an eye on it. This might be too personal so please don't feel like you need to reply if you'd rather not, but is there anything in particular that a partner of someone with P could do or say to ease the day to day mental pain? Other than the obvious - telling him how much I love him and how beautiful he is to me etc., Thanks.

Posted Tue 27 Jun 2017 2.37pm by thin-skinned
Irascible septuagenarian fed up with the psoriasis constantly at me :wink:

All I can suggest other than helping apply cream etc on unreachable places, is to do all you can to help lower his stress levels no matter how trivial some might seem to you, because several trivial things add up to lot over the course of a day.

Good luck and please tell him I fully understand how he feels and also add that relaxation techniques (dismissed by some) really do help.

Posted Sat 1 Jul 2017 0.48am by tracey

Hi, Ali,

I have suffered from P since I was 19 and I am now 55. I have been covered in the past 90% of my skin, which of course makes you self concious. I have had every treatment going over the years from creams, lotions, PUVA, Acetretin and Methotextrate injections. I have been lucky and the treatments work for a while and I have clear skin and then it returns and the cylce starts over again.

During my roller coaster journey with this horrible disease I beat myself up and suffered severe depressions. But now I have learnt to love myself regardless. I look at myself and whilst my skin isn't how I would like it to look, I have learnt not to judge myself. ( I let others do that)... I am thankful that my arms and legs work, I am mobile.....I go out in the sun (wearing shorts and bikinis) and enjoy myself on holiday, swimming in the sea etc as I know this is good for ME... If anyone doesn't like the look of me, that is THEIR problem, not mine.

I think a good positive mental attitude works wonders, for your own self worth and will reduce stress levels. Meditation is good and also self help books are worth a read; and helped me.

You can heal your Life... Louise Hay is a good read

Your partner is lucky to have you by his side, but remind him to look in the mirror, beauty comes from within, and will shine through.

Posted Tue 4 Jul 2017 3.54pm by Sparkles94

Hi Ali,

As a psoriasis suffer myself all I could advise you to do would to be by his side and support him when he is feeling low.

I constantly sit and cry in the arms of my partners. More so now than I ever have. Constant itch and flare up are horrific. It is so hard to try not to stress when you have it.

I have always had looks and comments made. I was very heavily depressed but since meeting my partner he has been my rock. Always struggled with self consciousness and depression. He finds it hard as well when I am so down.

You just have to let him know you are there for him. I found that when my partner offered one day to help put my cream on my back and helped me apply my treatments benefitted me majorly. Take an interest and help out. My partners puts my ointments and creams on every day.

Hope he is OK and we are all here to help.

x

Posted Sat 15 Jul 2017 11.19pm by LAJ

Hi Ali

My husband also has psoriasis. Over last couple years it has got steadily got worse, due to stress & anxiety he's currently having a really bad flare up which is starting to effect his mood, self confidence and attitude towards himself.

I know this maybe Daft & is more to do with your partners anxiety. But have tried understanding anxiety & depression just by googling. Although my situation yrs ago with my partner was different, I found it very frustrating & difficult to live with, but by understanding it I adapted the way I thought/spoke it took time, but eventually he opened up to me & we could understand each other better as well.

I've also tried to the usual stuff to support him the best I can by;

Applying creams, lotions & potions

Arranging GP Appointments

Gently nudging him to get dermatology Ref

Encouraging better diet & exercising (big thing for him)

But most important of all this is just showing/letting him know however horrid/ugly/scabby (those are his words) he thinks his skin is, is that I love him regardless good & bad (skin, mood etc) warts and all.

I do all this, but unfortunately at the end of day it's down to my husband to act upon it, all I can do is try encourage all of the above. If it works fab, if not oh well fair enough I gave it my best shot.

It's sounds like your doing an amazing job already, so just keep it up & be strong x

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